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Tuesday, January 27th, 2009
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11:41 am - Alive?
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I bought a house. Yes. I've been gone for what seems like years, and now I'm back--and I bought a house. My first house. We seal the deal and move in around the end of March/beginning of April.
I'm an adult...when did this happen? And while I'm quite depressed a great amount of time over dipping finances and such, I'm buying a house (with a hot tub and 1/2 an acre of land and roosters on the kitchen cabinets) and somehow, that seems to make up for the more adult-like lame things in my life.
I'm too scattered to actually make a decent post here and I'm too in awe at Emily's writing (and ashamed of my own skills) to make this sound somewhat coherent, but I wanted to share the news.
There is is.
Actually. (That one was for you, Devin)
current mood:  excited
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| Thursday, July 17th, 2008
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1:37 pm - Development thus far
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So, yesterday was my follow-up doctor's appointment. It left me feeling all but relaxed. I have to go back for more blood work saturday so they can test more...god knows what...in my blood. My doctor is concerned because my previous test came back showing that I was quite anemic (shocked because I've never had issues with Anemia before and because it was prior to my period). So, more blood work and another doctor's appointment in a few weeks.
Why am I so unsettled? Steph's best friend has Croan's and said the exact same things happened to her before she was diagnosed officially. Abnormal cells in her pap, Anemia, colonoscopy then Croan's. I'm trying not to worry yet--I mean, it could be anyting at this point, though the Anemia does explain the ridiculous Vertigo i seem to be suffering from these days.
My diet has consisted of corn flakes and grits. That's it. Oh, and pretzels. If I'm feeling ballsy I'll eat rice or even chicken mcnuggets. Yum. Gotta love those retro Coke glasses.
On the up side, I can't wait for next weekend when I reunite with two of my favorite people in the world. I absolutely adore these two chicks and I'm stoked.
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| Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
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3:32 pm - If you feel something on your ankle, it's me trying to gnaw your leg off
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Weekend from hell, let me tell you. Steph and I went up to PA for the holiday weekend to visit family/make some extra cash. Friday was really slow--I would say 10 people total came in all night (it was the 4th of July after all). I did, however, manage to make $175, so it wasn't too bad. Regardless, we left Friday with more than we'd come with. Saturday morning I woke up with the worst migraine in history. I mean, I've had some bad ones, but this topped them all. It felt like there was a screw driver in my temple. I couldn't move. I threw up constantly. It wasn't pretty. Steph had to scrub her mom's tub while I vomited and toss me in. 7 minutes into my tub soak, she was pulling me out, dressing me and driving me to the emergency room. 2 shots in my ass later I felt good as new, though extremely tired.
I passed out for 4 hours and woke up in time to shower for work again Saturday and jump in the car. We had to swing by a family shindig and in the 30 minutes we were there, I somehow managed to pass out 3 times. Back in the car we go toward the emergency room. I refused this time and just had her take me to her moms where I lay crippled on the couch/in bed all night floating in and out of consciousness. To make things worse, her 7 year old little brother had strep and the flu which cause her mom to dash about like a headless chicken caring for him. I wanted to go to work that night (after all, it was why we were there), but her mother refused, afraid I would get worse and there's just no arguing with a stubborn 260lb German/Irish woman.
Next morning I was still groggy, but feeling better for the most part--still a little queasy, but whatevs. We got on the road at about 3pm after a stop by Wal-Mart to stock up on cheap food for the next month with the money we had made Friday. Traffic sucked. I waved to Philly as we passed by. To break the monotony (and to keep us both from passing out) we stopped by a porn store on our way home to buy some viewing desirables and other unmentionables. We were home around 7 just in time for a monsoon as we unloaded the car.
Not even 10 minutes after getting out of the shower and saddling up for bed, the phone rings. It's my mom sobbing and asking for Steph to come over. Why just Steph? Did she do something stupid? Fall and hurt herself? Slit her wrists? Does she have the gun out ready to hunt down her boyfriend and kill him? What the hell? Needless to say I went with Steph, sobbing the whole way because I had no idea what to expect. We get to mom's and she's plumb sloshed. Her reason for just Steph coming? She was afraid I would judge her and she didn't want me to see her like that.
I was really quite flattered that she thinks of Steph as a member of our family now--I mean, she is. But damn it, I'm her flesh and blood. Anyway, 15 minutes after we arrived we were holding her hair back as she vomited up 2 bottles of white wine and putting her to bed with a trusty bucket at her side. We get back home around 9 to a phone call that her sister was in an accident and broke her collar bone. She's okay, just drugged up and shaken.
Good god! What on earth did we deserve to get this weekend? I'll never be able to say. I'm just thankful it's over.
current mood:  exhausted
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| Tuesday, July 1st, 2008
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9:45 am - Wow. *brushes off cobwebs*
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Remember when updating this thing daily was the thing to do? Yeah, me too. I can't beleive I almost forgot about this little garnet piece of joy. I don't even remember what the last thing I said in this was. So, let's start from the beginning. I'm engaged and live with my fiancee in Columbia. Visitors are always welcome, though it seems these days I can't seem to stop running for even a moment to catch my breath. There is always something going on and I feel this constant "on the move" attitude is hindering many of my friendships. I promise, dear friends of mine, that things will get better. I promise to pull my head out of my butt soon to hang out and catch up, but for the time being, we are both so strapped for cash that all we do is work. Some of you know what my side job is, so I won't mention it here. Just know it's going well. I have two cats--a black one named Wiccan and we just got a new kitten (a orange and cream manx (tailless))named Cheddar. She's part bobcat and all claws. Those are going soon. What else...I've been having a lot of stomach problems lately, too. Doctor thinks I might have Chrone's disease. I'm hoping for IBS. Either way, it's not pleasant and I'm usually on the counch/in bed crippled with pain when I'm not working. Plus, I really don't want to die slowly as more and more of my organs are removed. No fun. No fun at all.
I can't think of anything else here...but I'm going to try and keep you all up to date more often. Try. And, while I'm thinking of it, and so I don't forget,
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY EMILY FREAKING PINKERTON YOU SEXY SEXY BITCH! I ADORE YOU!
That is all.
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| Wednesday, November 21st, 2007
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11:23 am - Today's Holiday: False Confessions Day
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I have webbed feet.
Now that that's out of the way...
I GOT MY RETURN TICKETS HOME!
At 8:03pm on Friday December 21st, I will be back in AMERICA!
yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh baby!!!
Let the partying commence!
current music: Regina Spektor- Hotel Song
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| Monday, November 19th, 2007
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1:41 pm - Todays' Holiday: Have A Bad Day Day
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HELL: My weekend was less than perfect. Thursday I woke up to go to work and there was a note under my door with scribbled Russian. I was in no state to decipher it, so I let my recruiting assistant read it. The woman that owns this apartment building asked me to call her ASAP. Naturally I made Myroslava call. It was about an incident that happened in the apartment building with the plumbing that appeared to be originating from my apartment. Yeah, there was some water on the bathroom floor when i came home wednesday night, but I chose to ignore it. After talking to her, she insisted that I come home as soon as I could so she could have repairmen come look at my plumbing and fix the problem. Well, lady, I'm at work--I can be there around 5, I said. Not good enough. I needed to come home right then. Fine. Fine. So I left work and came to my apartment to wait for the repairmen....water was all over the bathroom floor and seeping out onto the parquet flooring in the entryway. Fuck. The repairmen came, tracked mud all through the water and fixed the problem in 10 minutes flat...odd. But whatever, I didn't have to pay.
I had to go back to work after they left, but when I came home...that's when the fun started. I was stuck on my hands and knees for a good 30 minutes sopping up all the water with a rag and wringing the excess water into a bucket. The downside: the water smelled like stale urine. Delightful. I managed to hold back my vomit for the duration of cleanup, thank god, but just barely. Luckily I had Friday off. Great, I thought, a weekend of relaxation. No. Not so much.
Friday night I was visited by a crazy, old woman ( you all know how i feel about the babushki) from the apartment below mine. She forced herself into my apartment to look at my bathroom, insisting that my bathroom was causing a terrible flood in her bathroom. I assured her I had the same problem until the repairmen came the day prior, but all the same she started throwing around threats about calling the police. Dear lord, I thought, I am in no shape to go to jail. I'm a delicate flower for christs' sake. I pleaded, telling her I was a foreigner, much to her surprise and she softened a little. However, she still insisted on dragging my down to her apartment to see that damage, asking who was going to pay for it. I told her to call her owner of the building but she insisted on getting my landlord's number and name. Fine. I came upstairs, called Sergey, gave him the 4-1-1 and headed back downstairs with his name and number in hand.
What did I see as I turned the corner? The old bag was talking to her neighbors, who also have problems, and turned to me, "It's her apartment that's causing all the damage!" You dirty, dirty old whore! I assured them I had the same problem, that it wasn't my apartment and I blamed the 6th floor. After the woman talked to Sergey, she calmed quite a bit and apologized for inconveniencing me.
All weekend I continued to get delightful visits from various neighbors. "Do you have hot water? How? Why don't I?" How the hell am I supposed to know. I told them all the repairmen fixed my problem and they might try the same route. As the weekend progressed, so did my anxiety. Cue multiple trips to the porcelain thrown to upchuck. Yum. Nothing I love more than anxiety induced puking. Because of the puking I got lovely fever blisters around my mouth which, aside from being painful, make me look like I have Herpes. FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!
HEAVEN: I have off tomorrow for the repairmen to return and change the pipes in the apartment so there will be no more leaking. I also have off Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday to prepare for my next business trip to Kharkiv for 9 days. It's about time I get to relax around here. I've earned it, that's for damn sure. And, and and my fabulous gay friend, Brad, is cooking Thanksgiving...er...Sassafrassgiving dinner for us all on Saturday. I'm excited. Stuffing. Green bean casserole. Yum.
current music: Meiko-Fever
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| Monday, November 12th, 2007
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9:13 am - Today's Holiday: Pizza With All the Fixin's Except Anchovis Day
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Soviet trains breed Soviet hotels.
You all recall last weeks' Soviet train dilemma. I am pleased to report that, although my hotel room in Dnipropetrovsk (DP) was very reminiscent of my Dormitory living in Russia (down to the squeak of the bead and blood stains on the mattress), the room didn't smell like an exploded vagina. Instead it smelled like...I can't even describe it...decomposing cigarettes? Does that make sense?
Despite this con, I managed to pass out every day we were in DP at 7:30 while my piece of shit recruiting assistant stayed awake most of each night because of the sound of the traffic we could hear from our rooms. Yes, we might as well have been sleeping in the street. I say karma, bitch. There are too many things that my RA (recruiting assistant) did during this journey that led me 2 inches from strangling her,(aside from the obvious: she constantly wiped her snot on her hands, then ran them through her hair...yeah...) but I won't go into it here. I don't have the patience to write it all out. Let's just say the bitch is lucky she stayed home sick today. I needed a break.
Yesterday in DP ended with a delightful blizzard which broke several windows in the school we were testing in, cut out the power during an essay (they wrote their essays by cell phone light) and one of the most frightening taxi cab rides of my life. I thank the great and mighty Buddha (i'm rubbing his belly in my head) for guiding me through all these trials and tribulations.
This takes us the the present. The current situation, as seen from the 5th floor of my apartment building at 4pm, is as follows:
Yep. More snow. It's time to bust out my black, combat snow boots and get down to business while all the snobby, Ukrainian chicks stare at my poor choice in shoes on the metro rides. Hey, I have 2 things to this: 1) At least I'm not wearing a short skirt in sub-zero weather while my cooter freezes up, and 2) at least my feet are warm and dry. Fashion can kiss my stark, white ass.
That's it for now kiddies, aside from this: EMILY PINKERTON, YOUR HAIR ROCKS MY UKRAINIAN SNOW SOCKS OFF! That is all. Now off to download the latest Grey's Anatomy.
Update: Okay, I lied about that being all I had to day. I asked my mum for news from home. The only news she had to give was the she christened my car by having sex in it with her boyfriend. WHAT. THE. DEUCE?! IIIIIIIIII was supposed to eventually have sex in that mofo! Not my mother! I feel like a total loser at life. My mother wins more at life than me. How does that work? And now my car's virginity is gone. Lame.
current music: The Ocean- The Bravery
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| Wednesday, November 7th, 2007
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8:53 am - Today's Holiday: Marooned Without a Compass Day.
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1) Babushki. I frickin' hate them. Granted, they aren't nearly as bad here as in Russia, but here's my beef: what's with them shoving their way through any crowd with their massive breasts? What's with that?! It doesn't help that they're all 5'2'' or shorter, but now breasts are poking you in the back, ribs and hands? Ew. And they don't feel like boobs. I swear they are stealing loaves of bread and stowing them away in those bras of theirs. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.
2) Metro. I haven't felt faint on the metro all week (knock on wood) and I'm getting excited about this. Even despite the fact that I was twisted into the shape of the letter "K" this morning (Let me explain: My left arm was holding onto the ceiling bar for dear life, my head was contorted at a 75 degree angle to avoid someone's arm banging into my head every 15 seconds since they were holding onto the bar as well, my torso was contorted in the same direction as my head and my legs were splitting the knees of someone sitting in front of me. All this was done in 3 1/2 inch heels) and I still didn't feel faint.
3) I'm getting fat. No discussions here. It's making me angry, especially since I'm living off of dried pineapple, oatmeal and cheese sandwiches. Yes, fine, maybe I've eaten one too many snickers, but that's a thing of the past now, I swear! *hides wrapper*
4) It snowed 2 days ago and flurried all day yesterday. Supposed to snow again tonight and tomorrow. Winter is here. I'm sad.
current music: Crazy Angel - Kill Hannah
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| Saturday, November 3rd, 2007
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7:30 am - Today's Holiday: Sandwich Day/ Housewife Day
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I enjoy sandwiches. I'm not a housewife. Happy holidays.
I got back from my trip to Sumy yesterday at 5am. Good lord, it was 8 days of pure hell. Some highlights:
Hotel or Motel?: The hotel we stayed in our first visit to Sumy was all booked up for this go-'round, so we had to stay at a different hotel. A delightful little 1 star doozy called "Hotel Khimik." Apparently we stayed in some of the nicest rooms the hotel had to offer. It was not apparent. My hotel room smelled permanently of corn. Yeah, we're talking the fresh, shucked stuff we find on fields across America. I love the stuff...I don't like my rooms/clothing to smell of it. The bathroom was craptastic--a nice throwback to my Russia dormitory days with orange water to match on good days. The toilet was disgraceful and the button to flush the toilet was missing, so I had to get creative every time I flushed it. The water always ran, so I had to deal for 8 days with that awesome running toilet sound as background noise to my life. There was no shower curtain and the shower head was so deteriorated that water sprayed from all directions when it was turned on. The result? I might as well have taken a shower in the middle of the bathroom because the whole thing go swamped every time I tried to clean the corn smell off my body. The bed was a nice, hard contraption similar to the bed I slept in while in Russia. To combat the smell I searched the city for air freshener. On my first go round I was unsuccessful, so I settled for Axe in the sent of "Africa." It did the trick, I suppose. I eventually did find a "Tropical Heavens" scent of air freshener, but it smelled too much like boiled sugar, so I stuck with Axe for the majority of my stay. The result? I had back problems and greasy hair the majority of the trip. But, hey, I survived.
Trains, trains, trains: The train ride to Sumy was not nearly as bad as the train ride home. Since it's an overnight train, we get mattresses and sheets to sleep on during the trip. The was blood not only on my mattress, but also on my sheets. Charming. On top of that, the wool blanket (and coincidentally, the entire kupe (see also: compartment) smelled of exploded vagina. Explicit, I know, but that's the only way I can describe it. It smelled like someone who hadn't washed their crotch in weeks had rubbed their genitals allllllll over the blankets and compartment in general. Luckily I had some Tropical Heavens room spray left from my corn field hotel room, which I sprayed in the train car. Unfortunately, the wool blankets were a lost cause and I spent the whole train ride not sleeping because I was too scared that by touching anything in the car, I would get herpesephilitis 6000. By the time I got home I felt like a used hooker and b-lined it for the shower to wash away Sumy altogether.
Noses are roses as toeses are your mom: I had the pleasure of watching my recruiting assistant pick her nose every 5 minutes for 12 hours a day while we conducted interviews and I filled in 240 pieces of paper worth of reviews. I might as well be a doctor with all the paperwork I did. At one point i actually put down my pen and looked at her picking her nose, hoping she'd stop. She didn't. I said, "Your nose itches a lot...you're always picking at it." She replied with, "Yeah, my nose itches a lot, just like your nose gets stuffy a lot." Wow. Good counter-argument there. My nose being stuffy is sure a hell of a lot like jamming my pointer finger up my nose every 30 seconds. You got me there.
Taxi drivers: They are scary as hell in general. But on one particular ride home from the train station I damn near lost my life. We careened head-on into traffic and I watched a car sail toward my face. Thank god people have enough sense to slam on their brakes from time to time, because I definitely wouldn't be here right now if they hadn't. And if I was lucky enough to have been taken to the hospital, I would be getting injected with needles carrying the AIDS virus and Tetanus right now. Small favors, I guess.
I leave Thursday night for another trip to a new city. Thankfully I'm only there for 3 days. When we get back we have a 1 1/2 week break to prepare for our next 8-9 day trip to Kharkiv for Round 3. I'm not looking forward to it, but at least there is something to do in Kharkiv. Plenty of movie theatres, restaurants and shops to peruse. It should pass slightly quicker than this trip did...assuming I don't kill my recruiting assistant, I should arrive home again in one piece. But I'm sure I'll have plenty of delightful, misfortunate stories to entertain all with when I do come home.
Side notes: If it wasn't for alluc.org I would be dying because I wouldn't be able to indulge in the newest episodes of House, Grey's Anatomy and America's Next Top Model. The only thing missing is my favorite tv watching companion to eat cupcakes with and keep me company. Sometimes I really miss those dates in my dorm room on my flowered carpet. And by sometimes I mean all the time...
current music: Moscow Olympics- Still
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| Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007
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12:57 pm - Today's Holiday: National Mole Day
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That's right folks, love that melanoma. Dr. House would be proud.
Some updates and irks.
Nose picking: Everyone in this country picks their nose whenever they damn well feel like it and lemme tell ya--it's sick. You try doing student interviews for 10 hours a day with your recruiting assistant sitting next to you between interviews digging for gold while you're scrambling to fill out the damned forms. "Don't touch my pen!"
Coughing/Sneezing: Yes, we're all human and we cough and sneeze--especially at this time of the year. However, in America, we are raised to cover our mouth when said action occured. Not here, oh no no. It's like it's a sin to trap the germs in your mouth or something. They cough all over you and sneeze on your neck while your trapped on the metro during the morning rush. It's sick. This morning I saw a man actually sneeze into his hand...twice...only to wipe his buggers on his hand and grab onto the pole once more. SICK! I could seeeeee the germs slithering their way toward me. Bleh.
Metro or deathtro?: The metro and I aren't friends anymore. In fact, I would go so far as to say the metro is my nemesis. Ever since my little fainting incident a few weeks ago, things have only gone downhill. I try and eat big breakfasts and stay hydrated, but damn it all to hell, the metro gets so damned crowded that you just can't breathe. Yesterday I felt another wave coming and my god, i panicked. I unlocked my knees and lowered my head as best I could. I took deep breaths and sang songs in my head about meat and eggs and other proteins. I prayed--and I mean prayed to God to not let me faint again, because this time I wasn't against a door in the corner of the metro car. This time I was sandwiched between two very large men in the middle of the car and even if I had fainted, there would have been nowhere for me to go. I would have been suspended in mid air, and as we all know, the purpose of fainting is to send blood to your head as you fall. (I learned that on House last week.)Thank the heavens above I didn't faint, but i was damn close. And this has become a regular occurrence with me. I would say every 3 days or so I feel like I'm about to faint, only there's no room on the metro car to do anything about it. Should I get this checked out at the doctor's? Yeah, probably. Will I? No, I don't trust Ukrainian doctors, nor do I have the funds.
For Devin: Stars Are Blinds came on the radio yesterday at work. I heard the first few cords and immediately burst into laughter, then looked around for you. "Where's Devin?? She would die!" Paris Hilton in Ukraine. Who would have thunk it? Not the man behind Winkie's, that's for sure...unless he had a hand in it...tricky...
For Laci: Seeing as how I leave tomorrow night for a 8-day detail in Sumy, Ukraine (more fun interviews) I want to take this moment to say in advance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOMLFACE!!!!! I know it's early, but I won't have a chance to say it otherwise. I love you and miss you more than words can possibly convey. I know you will have a blast, regardless of where you end up on your special day because, well, you're my lomlface, and you're the life of every party--especially your own. I'll be there in spirit and I'll take you out for belated birthday fun when I come to visit in January. <3
Single life Living alone on my apartment still rocks my socks. Period. And I've managed to evade the advances of Sergiy (if you all remember, he is the 50 year old man that rescued me from the metro when I fainted) by telling him I'm out of town on business....It's not a complete lie--I was out of town when he first called...and technically I wasn't in the city when he called again...and I'm going out of town again tomorrow night...
My Recruiting Assistant: She's about to get murdered by me. End of story. She argues with everything I say and it's getting real old real quick. I actually made her cry--and not just cry, but sob, when we returned from our last trip because I called her self righteous. I merely pointed out that she can never be wrong and doesn't know how to apologize--not lies. It was the gods honest truth and apparently, she can't handle the truth! I just don't know what I'm going to do with her. Sheesh.
All for now.
Random update in its own catagory: Walking home today I saw a doggy gang-bang. Yeah, you read that right. 4 dogs were participating in what I can only term as a gang-bang. I did a tripple take to make sure. And they were howling and shit...my goodness...only in Ukraine do the strays get off, too...
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| Wednesday, October 17th, 2007
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3:37 pm - Wonder of wonders
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A remarkable thing happened last night--I became a woman...and by "I became a woman" I mean THEY TURNED ON MY HEAT!!! WOOOOO! It was right as I was about to crawl into bed. I decided I would feel the heater just to see if maybe, possibly some warmth was flowing through and when my fingertips touched warm...that's when i became a woman. You're all jealous, I know.
Not much to report here as usual. It snowed a little two days ago. That was fun. It all melted by the time it hit the ground, though.
I'm still loving my apartment and I'm really getting excited to go home. Mostly because I know my stepdad won't be in the house anymore when i get there. hahha.
I have Friday off as a comp day and I leave again Thursday for an 8 day trip to conduct round 3 testing in Sumy. Thank god they had that wonderful music station at the hotel. It really got me through last time.
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| Friday, October 12th, 2007
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3:21 pm - What the DEUCE!!
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Fun times on the metro today.
I was going to work today (yeah, I had to work on a Saturday and yes I'm working tomorrow, too), crammed into the metro like usual. I managed to snag myself a place against the back metro doors in the corner of the car and I was like "This is a sweet place. No one can squish me too bad." I'm riding along, listening to my ipod when all of a sudden I feel it--the feeling I hate the most--"shit, i'm going to faint." My first thought was "hold on tight to the pole and breath deeply. Everything will be fine." Next thing I know my vision is black, the sound leaves the world and I'm being moved to a seat that has been vacated. Great. I fainted. A man sits me down and asks if I am okay. Thank the great heavens above that I am fluent enough to converse in Russian whilst I am recovering. I'm still feeling woozy and my station is coming up. I gather myself and stand as the doors open. The man that sat me down has me take his arm and asks if I'm okay. I say, "No, I'm fine...I just need to sit down for a minute." Next thing I know I'm blacked out again and I'm being carried from the metro car. Not only do I feel like a fucking damsel in distress, but I'm being pawed by several people at once who are throwing Russian at me left and right. "Are you okay? Drink this!" (A woman shoves a cup of liquid into my hand to drink. It tastes like ass). I start to blank again. Smelling salts are now shoved under my nose....I'm still being asked if I'm okay, they're asking if they can call an ambulance and the only thing I can think now is, "Oh, lord. I don't understand what's going on, I can't open my eyes, I can't move, I just want to curl up and sleep."
I eventually convince everyone around me that I don't need an ambulance, yes I skipped breakfast and yes, I'll be fine once I eat. The man escorts me up the escalator and into Mcdonald's where he buys me breakfast. I slowly, and I mean slowly, try to eat the food in front of me. My hero's name is Sergiy and he's a Psychologist. He proceed to buy me lunch to take with me as well. He won't let me pay for any of this. He walks me all the way to work (a 10 minute walk, the whole while holding his arm) and exchanges numbers with me.
Everything is fine til I get a call at 5. It's Sergiy and he wants to meet me and walk with me. I don't have time, but he insists on riding the metro with me, carries my bag and even walks me to my apartment building. He wants to meet me again tomorrow for a walk around the city. I can't say no, but good lord, I don't need a 50 year old stalker either.
Fun times! Woo!
More updates to come, I'm sure. Yay for me, I'm a real winner.
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| Thursday, October 11th, 2007
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5:46 pm - Life just got better
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| Thursday, September 27th, 2007
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1:36 pm - Today's Holiday: Crush A Can Day!!
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I'm back from Sumy, my second test center, and I'm proud to say I survived, despite the rush of 500 students at 9am. Sweet lord, I almost wet myself. But it all went without a hitch and I'm happy.
I decided on this trip that I'm really quite sick of men hitting on me. I must have been hit on my 8 different men during this 4 day trip. 8! I've also decided that these overnight train rides are going to be the death of me. I got to sleep feeling fine and I wake up with a cold. These trains are like ice boxes.
Some highlights of this trip: the tv channels were awesome. I got to watch a horrible lesbian porn and some awesome music videos, including a Nirvana block and a Green Day block. My childhood came rushing back. I danced around the room, cigarette in one hand and rocked out.
My birthday went without a hitch, except for the fact that I'm missing some very special people and wished I could have been with them for the event, but what can you do? I got home around 8 after sitting in a traffic jam for an hour and a half like usual. Victor tried to get me to eat more duck (despite my constant complaints that I don't want anymore duck), but I managed to feign exhaustion and loss of appetite and went to bed instead.
I move into my apartment tomorrow!! I'm so excited. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for internet, that way I can keep in touch better with all my peeps. I'll keep everyone updated.
Sad I'm missing the new season of House. I'm thinking of you lomlface and Devin and missing our tuesday night rendezvous at chez Kim.
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| Thursday, September 20th, 2007
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11:53 am - Today's Holiday: National Punch Day
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Good news, fellow readers: the apartment is settled! I'll be moving in when I get back from my detail in Sumy on Tuesday. I'm f-ing stoked! The downside of the apartment: there's no phoneline--so i can't receive or make calls, but I may have high speed internet--pretty sweet! Apparently there's something called Skype, where you can talk through an instant messanger things...i'm skeptical...but i may look into it.
On to today. Today we're leaving in the evening for Sumy, so I had to bring my bag with me. Everything was hunky dorey--I didn't leave til 10:45am so I could avoid all the morning rush hour traffic. Everything was good until I got off the metro. I'm rolling my little suitcase dealie and all of a sudden some woman taps me on the shoulder and says, "Young lady, why are you bringing such a big piece of baggage with you at this our of the day? You need to carry it beside you, because no one can walk around you! It's that time of day--this isnt appropriate." I stared at her, shrugged, and thought to myself, "Because I knew you would be here and I wanted to piss you off???" Out loud I said, "I'm so sorry, I didn't even think. Forgive me." And kept walking, carrying my bag beside me as she had asked. Asshole. This is one of the things I hate about the women here--they think their opinions matter in public because they get yelled at and beaten at home when they try to voice them. stupid. That's what I say.
As usual, Victor is driving me B-A-N-A-N-A-S! But I don't think I have to elaborate here. It's the same old thing.
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| Tuesday, September 18th, 2007
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9:33 am - You're a wanker, #9!!!!
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Good news came last night in the shape of a phone call. The family friend who is attempting to organize the deal with the landlord of the apartment I plan to move in to after I get back from Sumy on Tuesday called to tell us she's pretty sure it's a sealed deal. Because the landlord lives outside of the city and is only coming in on Friday (after I'm gone), Victor will take all 3 months rent with him to pay the man for my stay and sign contracts. I'm 95% sure that this is a sure thing and it couln't have come at a better time. Last night Victor said:
"And maybe you dont want to move into this apartment?"
"No, of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"
"Maybe you want to stay here with us?"
"*Vigorous head shaking*"
"Ah, you need your freedom?"
"Yes, I need freedom."
The fact that the man won't give me a moments' rest before he launches into conversations, questions, demands, lectures...i'm going cuckoo!! He could tell I was peeved last night and asked, "Is something wrong, my little fish? How's your mood?" "I'm just tired. I like to eat slowly and in peace so I can think and relax." He just doesn't get it. So I'm getting out...hopefully. It'll be the best Christmas present ever if this is the case.
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| Saturday, September 15th, 2007
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2:32 am - Pig Pen?
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My host family hasn't let me shower for 3 days. It's fucking gross. I'm being held prisoner in my own, filthy body because I'm sick and showering is "bad for you" when you're sick. And holy Moses, shoot me in the foot everytime I hear "You need to use the nose drops! More drops! They are good for you! Everytime you sneeze, use them again!" My nose is starting to bleed--I feel like a cocaine addict I've been snorting nose shit so much. I've been sick before, family! I'm almost 23--I know how to take care of myself. IT'S DRIVING ME INSAAAANE!
I had another dream last night. I was at a Green Day concert with my mom and we were rocking out right up front and Billie Jo jumps off the stage, puts his arm around me and says "Here, have these backstage passes. You and you're mom are two of the most energetic fans we've seen!" When we go backstage they give us a shit-ton of free stuff and I'm in disbelief at my luck. Then he says, "And we're going to the Ukraine next on our tour." I reply back with "Wow! I work in the Ukraine. I'm just home for a day to see my mom." He then gives me free tickets for their concert in Kyiv and says he'd better see me up front with just as much energy as I had at this concert. I don't think I have to say how disappointed I was so wake up and realize it was just a dream and I really didn't have all this free Green Day stuff. Lame.
On to my host family again--they are absolutely 100% convinced that I am not eating enough and they keep forcing food down my throat. When I say no, or when I say I dont want anymore meat *cause god, I'm like a carnivore over here these days) Victor actually mocks me! He's fat--he has plenty of room in his stomach for all this food--I don't. And I don't want his fat-covered meat...it makes me gag.
Anyway, on to a happy thought--I saw the cutest little indie-hipster chick on the bus yesterday on my way home. It was very evident that she had been reading the "Hipster's Handbook," but it didn't matter. She was adorable with her little bandanna-scarf around her neck, her skinny legged jeans and blazer to compliment her choppy, short hairstyle which had been dyed back. Priceless. That's all I can say.
UPDATE 6 HOURS LATER
They finally let me shower. Sweet relief. I went and saw 2 apartments today, the first of which was fantastic. $500 a month, great kitchen, delicious balcony that overlooks the Dneper River, sweet bathroom a'la Americana and a cute little living room/bedroom with a pullout couch/bed. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll be moving in the day after I return from my detail in Sumy.
On to the family...more specifically Victor. He treats me like I'm 5. Seriously. No exaggeration. He makes me hold his hand everytime we cross the street. What, am I going to get hit by a car on the small side-street? There's a crosswalk and no one else seems to be getting hit--certainly not the 22-year-olds. I mean, really, if I don't know how to cross the street by now, I'm a freaking dead-woman-walking. By the end of our journeys with him telling me which way to go (yes, Victor, I ride the metro everyday and i know where the escalator is...), grabbing my hand every 30 seconds and lecturing me on the surroundings (yep, I'm pretty sure that was a 100 year old building when we walked by it the first time, and no, for the 30th time, I don't like mushrooms), I needed an Excedrin Migraine and a shot of whiskey.
Enough of the bitching--the metro rides were also very interesting. During one metro ride an old grandpa tried to hustle me for money as he slurred in his drunken speech. That was interesting. Then on another metro ride (personally my favorite part of the day) I was standing (there were no seats) and a 16 year old boy tapped me on the shoulder, gently grabbed my elbow and guided me to his seat saying "Please, sit down." I was stunned. He was the cutest boy ever. I wanted to pinch his cheeks and buy him a beer. Finally, on our final metro ride home I got to sit next to a deliciously drunken man who kept falling asleep and slouching over into my lap. Excuse me, sir--my cooter is not for drunken, Ukrainian men. Sorry.
Now I'm home waiting to be served cake, because, yes, Victor still things I need to eat more fat to get my strength back. Joy.
current music: kiss kiss - baby
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| Friday, September 14th, 2007
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10:47 am - Do you brake for distilled spirits? I need a break as well...
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That's all that goes through my head everyday as I ride the Marshrutka to work. "Why would you need booze at 8am" do you ask? The answer is simple: so many people are crammed onto this damn bus every morning that I end up in some of the most bizarre positions as I try to make room. This morning I was wound around a pole--you would have thought I was getting ready to perform at a strip club. The problem is, there is just no where to go, so I'm stuck like this for 30 minutes as we chug along taking on more people.
I had a dream last night that I was eating a cupcake--you know, one of those good cupcakes from ACME with the tasty icing. They don't exist here, so when I woke up, naturally I was heartbroken.
I also had a dream that Jason (as in the psycho killer with the hockey mask) was trying to kill me. And no one believed me and swear to all things holy, I woke up gasping for breath. I guess I had been holding it. I don't know why I keep having these dreams that someone is trying to kill me--I must be under more stress than I'm willing to admit.
I may have an apartment by next weekend--may. It's not definite, yet, but I'm praying this doesn't fall through. As much as I love this family, and I do, they are very sweet and they take very good care of me, but there's only so much hassle I can take. They hassle me about the fact that I don't eat fish. The pester me to eat more meat because I'm always "pale." They say I don't eat enough, they say I'm getting too thin (bullshit! I'm getting chunky again--I can tell. And let's face it, there's nothing worse than realizing you have muffin tops when you're sick and too weak to do anything about it), I'm too this, I'm too that. Just please, leave me be. Let me sit in peace and quite and relax. I know it's going to be more tricky living on my own because I will still have to prepare food for myself at the end of the day, but at least it will be food I like in portions I want.
There was more. There always is, but I forget now.
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| Thursday, September 13th, 2007
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4:39 am - I would sell my soul for something pure and true
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1) I'm sick. This has been established. I assume it was from being in contact with so many sick kids (about 1/4 of the kids we tested last weekend were sick and sniffly), despite the fact that I opened the window between sessions to air out the room. To combat this sickness, my family last night made me drink Cognac. Ew. Not only was it disgusting, but I felt like I needed to be wearing an ascot and speaking in a British accent. Also, we were watching the Sopranos, which was amusing. I'm sad I never watched the show in America, because it's a riot. It was that episode where they drag the Russian out into the snow to make him dig his own grave, but he escapes and they get stranded in the snow. Nothing is more funny that two mafiosos freezing and starving in the snow. Maybe I was delirious from all my cold medicine and Cognac, but I laughed throughout the entire episode.
2) I'm still hunting for an apartment. I looked at one a few days ago and it was absolutely horrific! It was $500 a month and it looked like a shit hole. To begin with, there was only light in the hallway on the first floor, so by the time we got to the 3rd floor, we were using our cell phones to light our way. It was positively frightening. When we entered the apartment, it looked like the woman who lived there left in a hurry, because there was still an old, dirty pan on the stove, the bathroom was disgusting, the floors filthy and the "bedroom" (see also: room with a couch) was full of crumbs and dirty laundry. When Victor turned to me to ask what I thought, I thought I was going to choke. I replied with, "Well...overall...I...I need to think about it...." Obviously I'm not going to go back my my Soviet Russia roots with flashbacks to the dorm I lived in 2 years ago.
3) Oh cars that drive on the sidewalk...how you humor me so.
4) Something that is starting to wear on me is the commute here. It's not so bad in the morning, but in the evening it doesn't matter if I leave at 4:30 or 7:30 to go home--the traffic is always at a standstill and I spend 40+ minutes standing in public transportation while we move only 2 miles. Awful. So, on a typical day it takes me 1 hour+ to get home.
Now my boss is coming. Run away!!!
current music: Green Day-Hitchin' a Ride
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| Tuesday, September 11th, 2007
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4:52 am - Diana, Diana, Diana I would die for you...
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Back from my first trip out of the city for recruiting. Things went smoothly for the most part and I'm now ready for our next trip next friday.
The highlight of my trip: (This will surely make Devin, Mhume and lomlface cry) I bought a delightful pack of Camel cigs for 80 cents. Yeah, 80 cents. Not $4.50--$0.80. I think I know what presents I'm bringing back for everyone.
The most shocking part of my trip: during recruiting at the school I had to go to the bathroom--bad. It had been a full day of testing and I was tired. I walk across the school to the one and only bathroom only to find 3 holes in a room. No door. No barricade. No lock on the outside door. Just a room with 3 holes. Needless to say I didn't use the bathroom afterall. I was too shocked to drop my pants. 1 hole in the ground and a door that locks-sure. Been there, done that. But three side by side where anyone can walk in and see my goodies? No. Absolutely not.
People around here reallllllllly hate the gays. This is putting a damper on my trip here quite a bit. How can you not love the gays-male or female? I've even had one girl say "If a gay man touched me, I would punch him." I was talking to my mom about this and she, too, is shocked. She sympathizes, needless to say.
My stepfather is hoping to get a promotion in the next few months so he can move out of the house. I'm hoping right along with him, because to be honest: I really don't want to keep living upstairs when my mom has her gentleman caller over and I'm quite sure she, too, wouldn't like to hear my escapades down the hall either. The plus side to my SD losing all power: PEOPLE CAN COME OVER AGAIN! YAY! I CAN HAVE AS MANY FRIENDS AT THE HOUSE AS I WANT!
Okay, that's all for now.
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